JUNE 3

Age: 25 years old
Location: Denver, Colorado, United States

I want to be present from now on as a creator in the construction of my memories. Sometimes, it seems like you completely lose yourself in me, running away without knowing what to do. I’m listening to the sound that comes out of my mouth when I scream with pleasure.

I read something about this early in March when Rupi Kaur wrote: “Masturbation is meditation.” I locked myself in the space of my current room, filled with white sheets made of a special material for my skin. I could feel myself, and it tastes like glory. I could feel my own energy and the need to protect it jealously.

In the current space where my body wakes up every morning and closes its eyes when sleeping, in broad daylight, my loose hair shone at the touch of light. My eyes lost themselves in something beyond the limitations of my human body, until I was breathless, until I went and came back at the same time. What I produced in that scene ended up giving such a special shine to all my skin. Suddenly, the idea I had about sex completely changed and became something sacred.

The human body is a transmission channel with different inputs and outputs; it is a receiver and also an emitter. If you put it in tune with another human body and its frequency is not suitable for yours, the message will not go anywhere. Both devices that make the frequencies happen will simply turn on, but without success in capturing any signal that can be heard and produced clearly. The excitement of turning it on will happen, but when disconnected, the frequency that you produce alone about yourself and who you are so far, and where you are going in the process of your path, will be disturbed. Your frequency may feel lost, substanceless, and again, you will have to find a way back to yourself, to the frequency you emit. But unknowingly, you can lose it again by giving access to your sacred body to an energy with which you have not felt or achieved any connection.

When the channel opens to the joint production of something that has achieved a clear connection, it is when one gives themselves body and soul to that other emitter that has matched that energy. A union is made that transcends any limitation of the human body and achieves communication that is heard clearly in that space where they merge. It feels like accessing the space where nothing and everything happens, waiting for a decision to be made to see what desire wants to manifest to achieve the experience. And it is at that moment where any idea of the SELF disappears, and it feels like being at home. It feels safe as a reminder of who we truly are because it is where every idea of separation disappears, and the ONE is the only unit to count the infinite that I need. We do not need a mathematical structure to order the construction of whatever we are making happen here in our representation of our characters because in the delivery of what makes us feel alive, everything happens without any explanation, and that energy transforms into a creativity that cries out to be materialized. And achieving this connection with the other body is extremely rare because not all human beings are living as themselves and from their authentic movement out there. So, I will be responsible and aware of taking care of the secret entrance to eternal paradise.

My skin is delicate, it is a creation dedicated to the experience of my soul. Everything that happens in my bodily interactions with the environment is first created from a consciousness seeking to see itself in material form. The color of my eyes and the gaze that allows me to see this reality seek to create scenarios worthy of being photographed, and I have you captured from different angles. There’s a moment there where I could capture that “1” we managed to form, and no one will take that away from us. It’s in me as it is in you. We allowed access because the current that made us connect felt destined to happen. I never wanted you to leave, but in the non-marriage of the union, it seems like it was just a moment, and even though it was fleeting, you made me feel so much. Even in the calm of our unknown stories, the energizing sensation of wanting to be together was completely overwhelming. So was I. Now, this process of dissociating from me has begun, and it’s difficult.

In that messy bed at high noon after going up and down from heaven, I promised myself to give myself only to the man who feels and decides to love. My body and its movement are sacred; it’s not something you see in a pornographic video. It’s a pure nudity that looks you in the eyes and gives itself from its eternal existence. It’s a face that will fill yours with kisses when you wake up every morning. My existence is one that will ask you how yours is, that will want to know even the first memory you have of your humanity, that will bathe with you and massage your hair while giving you kisses on the back and hugging you tightly. It’s one that will move with you in the middle of the bed and caress your soul. It’s one that will surrender to you as a woman should surrender to a man from her purity, innocence, and that desire to experience herself through the man who respects her, cares for her, protects her, and sees her as his most precious treasure. Where my expression and her femininity wrapped in it do not represent weakness but rather the security of being with the one I will call my man forever, the one who will embrace me in all my forms and not feel intimidated by any of them. And even when I fulfill even the most impossible of my dreams, he can know that his presence in my life is as vital as my own.

I love you, Katheryn.