The power of new decisions is a huge pressure that absorbs me and asks me a thousand questions when my mind does not think about anything for a single second.
We plan new things that you believe and think about for a long time things that are not even fulfilled, before that happens something happens and again you are there creating new plans and asking what would have happened if the previous plans had materialized.
I swear that mental instability kills me because it makes me think about all the time that is lost but at the same time life does not have any strong and sane sense every day, there is always something that changes there is always something that makes us start again and the constant struggle is valid the fear here is to remain satisfied with something that does not, it makes us happy.
I still do not feel prepared to be able to feel that I am well, I know that what I write is always generalized and the details of what led me to this are not written in detail. I want to think that I’ll be fine today in the morning I thought about what would happen if there were something that would tell me what the road would take me like I would see in the future if I continue on the route I am in now, after analyzing it a bit I will reach the I concluded that this would also make me feel miserable as I would be looking for more ways to find one that is better than the others.
I have understood that life is not about how you see the future, but how you are alive in the present and the experiences that can give you, it is better not to make expectations about anything and let everything be surprised for better or for worse you villages learning of each situation.
Many times I have observed some people around me a little of their lives and I know that they led those people to have a very bad experience, what I do with that information is to give myself a lesson of my own to avoid such situations .
I swear it’s better when you’re a reasonable person, for example I met a guy once a guy on a straight path to irreversible failure, somehow I thought about the romantic movies I saw and how sometimes a man could be saved when he fell in love Maybe I liked the man, but I took the wise decision to get away and not to experiment not wasting time, because even if we do not see it like this, bad experiences come to upset us and leave us mentally stuck for some time.
Do you know when you realize that feeling? When you get over it and you realize how badly you acted by lending so much importance to something that would not take you anywhere.
The pressure caused by the new decisions are overwhelming, I try to understand the background of life and focus on living in breathing in learning things that help my spirit that feed my desires to really want to live.
It has not been easy in fact I still feel how difficult it is but it is like detaching yourself from a strong bond that I have faith that I will be able to get out and be a better person for myself to make myself happy about that the search is about.
My mind lately has entered a state in which it feels that it can not anymore, that no matter how much it seeks a single reason to find a stability of all emotions that reason seems to be more hidden than ever.
It’s like not being able to taste life is like you die but you can not afford it even if you wish you could continue even with lights off, there is something inside me fighting to not let the fight die.
I think that many of us feel this way when we are part of new decisions in our lives. We are very afraid that they are not the right ones, but even if the decisions are right or wrong, they definitely help you and allow you to move forward in an indirect way.
I do not know if this motivates me to want to continue I’m not sure of any of that now, I get bored sometimes I dream of great things that if I think about it, they are not important but they make you think that is what you need to be happy, although we do not know with conscience what we really need, our brain confuses us and our surroundings contaminate us.
Maybe I do not feel as excited as when I met you, maybe now I think about wanting to leave you and the effect is moving away, and I like the fact that I want to be alone. Why do we act like that? Maybe I’m just waiting for something to be able to make that decision, it’s wearing out the fact of starting over, harder than I imagined one day.
I do not know where this will take me, I do not even know where I want to go with this, maybe I’m still waiting for something incredible to happen, it distorts my reality but how it distracts me and that’s what it seems to like.