It bothers me the noise that people make their laughs and screams while they drink up to vomit, I hate that music of the parties nowadays it is a genre of music with lyrics and sounds that should never exist referring to the type of “music” with which most of people here go crazy nowadays. The music was created to connect with the soul, make us feel happy or sad depending on the type of music, the lyrics were something that were added after creating the sounds.
The music of greater boom unfortunately for me currently in Latin America is reggaeton, the lyrics are a real disgust, it’s like all the garbage at its best, many people dance and sing them I want to avoid listening to those songs but anywhere I go as be restaurants, shopping center, places of interest that “music” most of the time is sounding and sickens my mind.
I have the strong hope of moving to another country soon, I am still not believing that this is possible, I am aware that it will be difficult to establish myself, to find a mental order to everything new. I’m like the tide when I’m calm trying to maintain that calm and try to create waves with a powerful energy when I have a chance.
I have not had that youth of crazy parties, I wanted to find the sense I never got it I can not think it’s okay for me to drink alcohol until I forget myself and kiss or let myself be touched by strange people, it feels worse when I think sometimes I thought I’m missing something, deep down I know it’s not like that but there is a quiet line of memories that are not ours that retract a series of photographs in our mind of what our life should be like as you grow up I’ve escaped from that whole line Still and I feel very ashamed for having wished not to leave that place that creates that line was created from almost all the existence that is known of humanity, memories of other generations that guide us unconsciously.
I like to dance I like to feel sensations that shoot while you move and listen to music at full volume, I love that when it is not accompanied by alcohol, drugs and people making use of everything that hurts the mind guiding it to a totally parallel mental universe and false. I like to dance music that does not need to be full of words, the sounds are strong and changing and they make you fly and be awake keeping all that and existing being aware that they are real sensations that real music can make you feel.
There are days when I do not know where I am, I do not have a single idea of how to feel I do not know how to react to whatever is happening to me, maybe I have too much free time now and my mind gets bored and creates a calm that makes me feel guilty. I feel sadness just a little sadness for things I have left behind and others that I will have to leave behind in a short time, I am not afraid I try not to feel anything.
It’s really amazing the power of decisions are what change everything. The other day I was breaking all those memories that I saved from someone with whom I imagine all my life, it was hard when I stopped to think about what I was doing, since that breakage forced me to not want to feel anything to not expect anything from someone else, to trust in my promises for my life and not in the promises of someone else.
I like to think about everything but sometimes it feels good not to think about anything reminds me that most of what I see and try to understand is just a mental effort that life does not need but my mind needs every day of that to not to sit still and wish to stop sending orders to breathe convinced that nothing makes sense, I could not want to stay blank for long would kill me.
I’m going to get married soon I still do not know how I feel, it’s what I wrote my emotions are very quiet all of them. I am 20 years old now and a whole life adventure that I hope to cross, I am young to join my life to someone I know also I know it is something I want to do now, I will not have children or a traditional life of a married woman soon, I am in my twenty there are many plans that I have and I want to at least try to achieve them.
I am with a man now 25 years old I like to be with him it feels good when we wake up together when we talk about what food recipes to make while we look for the ingredients in the supermarket. I like when I hug him and he tells me he loves me, I worry about all the positive changes that a man who loves a woman can do to keep her by his side and try to make her happy. Someone asked me if I was sure of getting married, it’s logical the question is 20 years old and that’s an important decision, I’m sure I want to do this now, I feel good in that part of being with this man, if in the future things they get desperate and we fail. Are there true divorces? Not without first taking into account that any relationship is not just happiness all the time.
It is so absurd that people get married and think that it ties them to a dependent and traditional life exactly how “society” tells you how a married person is, some people get married and have children that they can not keep being filled with debts and of discussions that put everything together and turns it into a hell that burns these people believed at first that maybe it would be that way and for that reason they must stand firm to all the unhappy that would end up being, I will never want or have that in my life I will run away when the indicators are so strong that I can not stop them.
Everything you do in your life are things that you must discover as they make you feel and if you want to stay surrounded by the whole environment that you create, everything that happens in your life must be things that your controls can not trust the things that they work to other people, you can not wish to have a life like the one that has another person that kind of decisions are the ones that destroy everything, you can free yourself from everything that destroys you, because you can not believe that you can do it.
We can imagine a different life taking the decisions to start making that life different, you know you know what you hate what does not go with your personality what you do not want for yourself in the future, you can hear the voice of your own reason and continue until everything you want to do, I started listening to the sixteen and it is the best thing I have done because it has given me changes that were impossible to imagine before, that keeps me motivated and gives me such a big and strong courage A huge rock is an energy that I can listen to, I know that it will not go away while I continue to respect and defend all those things in which I believe.
Photograph taken from Pinterest