For my platonic love

Forgive me, I would have liked to try a different way I hate everything that led me not to arm myself with courage and tell you that I wanted you deeply, I hate that you were not good enough for me …

I am remembering them these days I would like to write to everyone and tell them that I like memories with them. I feel that little pain in my soul as a kind of guilt for not being able to give love to each one of them to stay with them and tell them that everything will be fine that a woman’s love can heal their wounds and inspire them to continue, it hurts me deeply that life has been so unfair that the time is not so long as to have a story with each one long enough to create something memorable. I want to hold you tight caress you slowly back time and give you those strong hugs fill you all make you feel happy you deserved all that real happiness. I remember the first time you saw me I wanted to make you feel that your look did not matter to me, inside I felt all my emotions crashing all together I was happy even though my face looked at you with displeasure I did not want you to know that I had already imagined with you in all the happy scenes possible.

Photo taken from Pinterest

The day I approached you the last time I saw you I remember hugging you very hard trying to make you feel something for me, after knowing that you told me staring at you that you did not feel anything anymore, I think the image that you had created about me collapsed. day you knew I would not allow myself to be with you, I still wish that your lifestyle at the time I met you would have been different, you do not know how much I would have loved you deeply because you made me feel that I had to give you all the good things about me, It really hurts that we can not have our history in which I would have given you my soul in exchange for you to understand all your potential in exchange for you to love yourself a little and leave everything that destroyed your soul, I am not God I can not change people no matter how hard they tried I knew how bad it would be if I had given you the opportunity to have me fully, I did not want you to hurt me I did not want to suffer for you I could not imagine what would be lost rte even when I never had you, you saw the good thing about me I could only see the bad thing to go away even when my soul was disturbed every time I saw you in the corridors. Sorry for being so selfish but I wish you never forget me

In days like today are the ones that I imagine looking for in the future I have felt like this for someone else, I overcome it with time but you seem to never leave that slowly kills me, I know I should continue in fact I will never look for you again I feel that my looks and expressions the last time I saw you, they were enough for you to realize that I was loving you, I did not need to tell you I wanted you to be able to see it through my strong hug. I reminded you yesterday I was watching a series and one of the actors looked a lot like you did not know until I went to sleep and I had some kind of dream with you. I woke up and everything you made me feel back like a strong shot that hit me straight in the soul I do not see you are not near it is so likely that even the reflection of my image has vanished from your mind, maybe I do not care so much about it anymore that you feel is just that I like what I still feel for you makes me feel a kind of power I liked so much to have known you even when we were nothing. The sun does not come out for me. I still can not get rid of you completely. I do not know when it’s the day your memory disappears. I do not want you to leave my mind too.

Photo taken from Pinterest

Humans are all the same in their anatomy even though you can not create the same memories with all of them, their differences in their way of thinking makes them really unique, and when you find someone who dazzles your mind you can not simply forget them, maybe they will go away days of your mind but the threat of returning to your thoughts from a shot is there although you can not see it and you do not seem to vanish from my mind. I like to imagine with you I like to imagine that I am still seeing your eyes fixed on the past that nobody can take it from, for me it is still important to think a lot in those days in which you come to my mind like angry waves making me feel guilty for not trying with you. All my feelings ask for forgiveness now that I understand that I would not have really cared if you hurt me I want all those scenes with you. I wish you to find someone who gives you all that love that you think you do not deserve, you are like a bird that is afraid of flying you are afraid you do not want to accept you surround yourself with people who are toxic you allow them to breathe your very air, you do not forget all the good things that you once were.

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The concern that some people produce is shocking you hate it and love it even when you do not know how to decipher because for some strange reason you like it, I know you can not try it with all the people that make you feel that because your reasonable mind forbids you to do So much stupidity, self-love is another factor that prevents you from giving your soul to hundreds of people who do not make you feel that full security to try something, you can want so much to want to be in their arms but if that person is not good enough to your soul you only move away, if you are a reasonable person you move away no matter the desperation that a failed love can generate.

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I imagined alone with you I created images in my mind in which I was lying close to you, staring at you caressing your hair, telling you with hugs how much someone can get to love you. I did not imagine you giving me love, it was only my desire to give you my love that led me to create scenes in my mind about you. You are nothing like what my mind creates in the only thing that you agree is in the form of your physical that can not be erased. I have you intact in my thoughts I am loving you very much in that place I am creating imaginary memories with you, perhaps we exist together in that dimension one in which you are everything that I always dreamed of in a stranger. I hate that you do not look for me, I hate that you do not want to know anything about me I believe the trigger of all this, I still hoped that you would overcome it and come like a last desperate attempt I was special for you I do not want you to forget it. I’ve been writing this for you for a few days, you do not mean to me what you meant yesterday every day you seem to fade a little more, I’m afraid you come back to my mind like a direct shot and without failing I’m supposed to have left you totally behind

Photo taken from Pinterest

My experience with the men that I have liked in my whole life has been truly confusing, when I started to have the mental capacity that came with age to be with someone, honestly it was exciting I was very afraid sometimes I did not want to lose my pride or be in the thoughts of anyone, I learned that what really matters is what you want to do and if you have enough self-esteem no one will be hurt since you will be clear from the beginning about what kind of relationship you want to create with whoever you want to be. I was with several men as soon as I could do it, I mean it’s not the same with everyone does not mean you have to sleep with every man you like, you can feel love in so many ways it’s a shame that you only think of the bodies of someone in the pleasure that person can make you feel that some people do not give rise to something else to happen, they do not give the chance to have diversity of experiences with diversity of people, accumulate them and create memories. So great are the memories you can create with someone when they are sincere and know what they want, without lies without entanglements without that hurtful suffering difficult to overcome

I do not know how long you’ll be in my thoughts I’m not ready for you to go, I still want to imagine happy in that place that exists in my imagination no matter how bad you are for my soul in real life, you make me happy in those thoughts afternoons with you I’m not forbidden to imagine you, I have nothing forbidden in this life I know my limits as far as I can go so as not to make a mess in this strange equilibrium that I have now, I do not know if you forgot me it is likely that you have done, I do not blame you I do not feel bad for not being memorable enough for you to keep a space in your thoughts, I could not feel your lips I could not give you a bit of my love I do not know what it is to be with you when you feel sad , my soul wanted to synchronize with yours in those happy days. I felt dying when I saw you leave with a monstrous soul I felt bad even when we were linked with that same monstrous soul I had to do it to be strong and realize all those things that I do not want, you kept doing it, you kept taking all the gaps in a monster that will never see the light because for that type of people the light is something that they interpret in another way, making it see as much as you can, you know that that light is not real. I hate so much everything that led to your self-destruction I hate that not, let us be together I hate that I had to accept your world so that you could let yourself love, I would like you to realize I want so much that you ask me for forgiveness I want to heal I want you to make me heal somehow I want you to be all the good that you have not been with someone else, I want you to start wanting a little and you save somehow, I feel I could have saved you forgive me a thousand times for not having tried.

Photo Taken From Pinterest



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