Do we dream first and then live?
I have been pondering this question after delving into Toltec wisdom about dreams. It seems that when we seek truth and understanding of our existence, we can come to the same conclusion regardless of where we were born, as if Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity is beginning to have a better understanding for me now. Although I feel like a small cocoon in the study of life and its different movements throughout the years, the life experience so far and the holes I have started to see from the surface make me feel that I want to completely launch into knowledge, investigating from different perspectives and living my own life and expressing myself through the experience of it. I am at a point in my life where I have decided to be consistent, although sometimes inconsistency is part of building coherence. Believe me, I have been there before, and now I try to organize my brain and put my mind in tune with the different events that I want to experience in this life, and why I want to do it and for what purpose.
I am fortunate enough to be able to dream every night, and this is a power that all human beings have. I think being able to access this depends on the attention and observation we put into it, creating the intention of leaving our bodies sleeping and recovering at night, while we travel to a deep dream that reveals to us, in images, what the subconscious wants to communicate to us. This is of great help, as it is a pure revelation of where we are and where we want to go, like puzzles to solve, an infinite fire from that place we call God, and the forms in which we become to learn something, understand something, and evolve.
Sometimes I feel like a walking mold trying to be easy to understand. But honestly, on the path to self-discovery, I can sometimes enclose myself in a depth with myself to be able to do well in this life and not have to come back. I want to go to the light, I want to be completely embraced and live in that pure state of love and peace. I think that living this human life experience is something chilling and at the same time an epic adventure. Why would anyone want to delve into drugs to explore other realities, when this reality is the true journey?
I have different physical journals and have started writing down my dreams since last year to better understand them. It also seems truly interesting to me, as if I could communicate with myself on a higher level.
I want to be my best friend…
Two Dreams, Strange and Beautiful
I have returned to practicing yoga after a long hiatus, and for the past week, I’ve been at a beautiful studio located in Denver, United States. I am grateful to be a part of this project and to be a client of such a kind and helpful team. After my first week, I became a member and am experiencing something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Last year, while I was in Mexico, I asked myself: what if I practiced yoga every day for a season? Previously, I only dedicated one day a week to this practice, as I primarily focused on training at the gym. But six months after moving to the United States, this magical and abundant universe has given me the opportunity to experience a long season of yoga that I have only just begun, to organize my mind and help bring coherence to my life thus far.
In different scenarios, I try to focus on just one and understand what is happening. It has been a while since I’ve tried to wake up in my dreams to gain lucidity. It’s more like letting myself go without having control and waking up the next day trying to decipher what happened. I miss lucid dreaming because everything seems clearer that way, but I think I stopped doing it when I was going too deep, and reality upon waking up seemed like another dream. So, for now, I like to think that upon waking up, I experience a true lucid reality and that when I sleep, I only consciously communicate with the higher part that happens in everything to be able to gather information and go on spreading myself in the mazes of this life until I find the exit in each one of them to find myself and for the evolution of my consciousness.
In this dream, I found myself in what we call «llano» in Honduras: a place with grass in an open field. I loved to play there when it rained because my aunt and I, both six years old, ran barefoot to dance and sing in the rain. We liked to get covered in mud and smile, we held hands and spun around the flat field until we fell and got completely soaked in the rain. In my recent dream, I returned to that place, but my grandparents’ house seemed empty. Still, I felt their presence; all the colors and aromas of the place seemed to continue to exist.
I felt like I was accompanied by someone else, as if that person was accompanying me on a visit to my maternal grandparents. Suddenly, we saw a brown horse, it seemed to be stretching in the downward dog pose as if it was practicing yoga. Then I stopped to observe it and appreciated how it changed positions. I stayed there observing it a bit more until I could see that in each changing pose, it was becoming a beautiful woman, ending with the warrior pose. I told my companion on that journey to stop and observe it, but it seemed that only I understood what those transitions meant.
I woke up the next morning trying to remember the different images captured in my dream, and it was beautiful to be able to access them and see how a beautiful horse turned into a woman in the different transitions of a yoga practice.
I started practicing yoga when I was 18 years old. The reason I started was because the doctor had recommended surgery for my knee, which I had injured by not exercising correctly. After hearing the diagnosis, I was scared, so I started researching natural alternatives to recover my knee and found yoga. After reading about its benefits, I realized that it could be a natural and effective way to regain movement and correct alignment of my knee, so I started practicing. After a few days, I went to a physiotherapist who adjusted my knee so I could continue with the recovery effectively, and I continued with my practice. At that time, in my country, Honduras, there was no place to practice yoga, so I started with a woman from Russia who resides in Chile and has a complete catalog from beginners to advanced.
Through practice, I noticed how my knee improved and how my body became more flexible and adaptable to its environment. Since then, yoga has been a fundamental part of my life. I feel grateful to have the opportunity to continue practicing consciously and regularly and to continue learning more about this movement, from its origins to the present day.
For me, this dream has a special meaning, as I interpret it as a signal to pay attention to every day of my life, to every breath. Every moment, no matter how insignificant it may seem, has a meaning because it is part of the construction of my personal fulfillment. It is important to take a moment to breathe consciously and observe our own life and our step on it, because this life is a sigh and we are here to experience that inhalation and that last exhalation. I know it can be a challenge in the midst of so many changes and so many impositions that we put on ourselves when we work to make our dreams come true, but this connection with ourselves is essential because it is about our life.
One of my true friends told me after moving to Germany: «Katheryn, I realized that I have always been so worried about the next stage of my life that I haven’t stopped to observe the current stage I am in now. From now on, I want to live being present in each stage.»
After hearing this, my brain took a picture to capture this lesson because I realized that I was also doing the same thing. Now I try to remind myself about the importance of finding balance in life. I know there are days of desperation, but maybe we can travel to the past and remember when we have felt this way before, and how we have overcome it to become a better version of ourselves. This way of thinking seems to be a healthy and valuable way to access the past.
Two Dreams, Reality, and Other Realities…
Honestly, I don’t know if it was a dream or my awake brain and my mind somewhere else. A few days ago, in the early morning, I felt my body levitate on the bed where I now sleep. I felt that after being gently caressed, with delicacy, respect, and love, without any kind of morbidity, I experienced an orgasm that made me levitate.
Last year I began to question sex because I have never felt connected with the meaning that most humans give it. I believe that in a society where pornography plays an important role in giving images about sex, this may have created an imposition about its meaning and has blocked the possibility of questioning, allowing each human being to experience and find their own way of sexual expression. By starting to question this, I have taken the task of marking on my list of topics to understand discovering my own meaning in sex, from the respect for the energy of my body and that of someone else. That is why, from that moment on, I am more careful with this and I know that surrendering to another human being is something truly valuable. I only want to share with someone who is connected with their body, who has respect and love for themselves, as in this way, they will have the ability to respect my body. Although I am still in the process of understanding this, it makes me feel good to know that I have the freedom to live from my own meanings and from the understanding of life.
I interpret that dream as a sign to continue investigating what sexuality means to me and to have the confidence to have clear and effective communication with my future partner about how they can treat my body with love and respect, in the same way that I am learning. And also, for me to be able to treat their body with delicacy and love, to be able to look them in the eyes and share that space and that moment of our existence from our own way and to discover through the experience of sharing together, from our true and authentic selves. I want my future partner to be a friend, a man I can admire, from whom I can learn, express myself and be myself, and he can also be himself. That we can be one and observe our individual and collective evolution. That is why for the first time in my life, I am giving myself the space to be with myself completely for as long as I need.
It is my desire to discover my own expression of sexuality from my own place, without the morbidity of the pornographic industry or the irrationality of the one who only seeks to possess another body, instead of truly uniting in a deep connection of love and expansion. I think of two naked souls, not only of their human bodies but also of their vulnerability, and from the opening of their hearts. Observing each other and creating a creative and safe space where they can stop time outside and have a complete role in their expression, being observed by the camera of the universe. Knowing that we still do not have a total understanding of what love means, we feel grateful to tune into it.
«I remember when we were naked in the private room of the natural hot springs in Colorado, I could feel you to the point of crying with happiness because we were becoming one. I saw your eyes and you saw mine, we were both there in the harmony of a love that felt safe. I wanted to stay in the eternity of that feeling, I cried with my soul out of happiness and deeply wished that human beings out there could have the true experience of what it means to live».
In the end, only gratitude remains.
And what do you think about dreams?
Categorías: KAFME WRITING, Written by Kafme
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