In the darkness of a rainy and early May spring, in this unexplored territory, I gaze through the glass windows, observing how life unfolds, while attempting to reflect upon my own from within. Is it valid to question if I have created all of this to give meaning to my existence? Yet, the true question seems to dance within the question marks that surround the whys and wherefores.
I could lay down upon the concrete pavement, tilting my left ear towards it, the very pavement I can recall from so long ago. I could remain there long enough to listen to the Earth’s internal sound before a speeding car, with its disturbing clamor, interrupts the natural flow. I could linger there until I board a bus, heading towards who knows where, in search of who knows what.
When I pay attention, I can feel the existence of every being different from myself around me. I can hear the echoes of strangers’ smiles as I walk near them. I can perceive the existence of humanity with a chilling and exposed sensitivity, as if I must reprogram myself to believe again, that this is the «only» and «true» reality.
How is it possible for this human vessel to contain an entire universe? I feel as if I have four feet: one grounded on the earth, another within a capitalist systemic structure, another in the universe, and the last one struggling to hold a pencil to jot down an entire interpretation that contributes to a broader understanding of where I am now and where I want to go tomorrow. What are the experiences I desire to live with this precious and healthy human body, and why?
I have immersed myself in utterly challenging scenarios, and I feel that the bigger my dreams, the greater the challenges. Every battle won is an accomplishment that brings me closer to knowing myself and the world around me. This planet Earth is beautiful, brimming with colors and life. This human expression is marvelous, full of structures and forms. I wonder what will happen to all the things I have and all the things I desire when I die. What is the meaning of all this, and why do I feel like I will miss them? It’s as if I can see how love can give meaning even to the most seemingly insignificant materialized idea.
There are so many experiences I desire to live on this Earth. There are so many different cultures I want to encounter, to hear their stories and learn from them. I would love to sit at an infinite table, seeing infinite faces and engaging in conversations to better understand myself. I believe it’s frightening to accept that we are all one because that means accepting that every story we choose to share with the world is our responsibility. Each one of us has the power to change any scenario that no longer resonates and no longer makes us feel alive. I reaffirm once again that we are all one, living different life processes with the purpose each self-connected human being wishes to comprehend.
I enjoy looking into the eyes of human beings and seeing how the universe can be captured within their colors. I am in a new country now, and here, there is such a diversity of colors that I am fascinated by the extent of variety in human beauty. I believe that beauty lies in each individual’s intimate interpretation. I believe that true beauty is found in the respect for every concept and expression of it. I mean that the created structure we call society may sell an idea of beauty every now and then, but when you can break free from that structure and see it from our own truth, you realize that true beauty is not found in something external, but rather in something deeper that lies within. And from there, it emerges outward, captivating us for all eternity. From that place, we have the opportunity to share our interpretation of life, from pure honesty and freedom, with another human being who feels safe to express themselves and be authentic, with their vulnerability open and their truth shining, allowing us to experience a true connection and a true sense of living this life.
So, I can pause to talk to you. I can pause to listen to you. I can pause to ask you what inspires you in this life. I can pause to ask you about your family. I can pause to ask you what you are currently doing in your life. I can pause to tell you what I am doing in this moment with my life and what my biggest dreams are. I can pause to smile with you and tell you that I can feel you, and I have the wonderful intuition that everything is well and will be well, even though we may seem to swim now in an ocean of combinations that seem senseless. But in the depths of its origin, there lies a connectivity with each of the droplets that compose it, and they are all connected to one another and have a purpose. Together, they form a complete ocean that exists in a larger percentage and shapes the planet Earth. It is important to remember that we already are everything, and what we seem to seek every morning upon waking already exists within us. We are simply seeking to materialize it so that we can experience it with our five senses, reaffirming that it is already true. I want you to know that you will achieve it, and I want you to know from now on that it is already a reality.
On a night like this, I wish to run away and scream out of the sadness that spills into tears, seeking an answer as to why we are here, why the infinite currents that make any structure possible seem functional but, at the same time, a true lie. Albert Einstein said that one of his genuine concerns was knowing that every decision and action of a human being has an effect on others, and this is truly something important to think about. It makes me realize the responsibility I carry day by day through the decisions and actions I take. I deeply desire that each of them is guided by the voice of my soul in clear communication with my brain, so that I can navigate any course with a calm breath that allows me to bring out the best in myself every day. I fervently wish that every morning when I wake up, I can learn something new and have the confidence and freedom within myself to ask and investigate the opinions of others, to join in a glorious conversation that brings me closer and closer to the paradises in which I wish to exist.
I wish for you to always remember what makes you feel alive. I wish for you to know that everything is well and will be well. I wish for you to live from the voice within you. I wish for you to choose to be a good person. I wish for you to be honest with yourself and others, to navigate through life with lightness and tranquility. I wish for you to always give your best. I wish for you not to take anything personally. I wish for you to always have faith in yourself. I wish for you to know that you deserve to achieve your dreams. I wish for you to embrace yourself with absolute sincerity and recognize that you are a unique and precious diamond, with a beautiful story to tell. I wish for you to remember that even on difficult days, when nothing seems to make sense and we feel trapped, you have the power to make decisions and change your reality. I wish for you to understand that freedom lies in knowing that you have free will to build your life, and the reality you experience depends on it. I wish for you to comprehend that every action has consequences, and the energy we emit always expands in a connection and then returns. I wish for you to know that what you give is what you will receive, and it may even be something better, or vice versa, depending on what you offer. I wish for you to understand that not taking things personally implies having the power to pause before responding in the same manner to another person’s attack and to avoid falling into a frequency that distances you from your own essence. I wish for you to know that whenever you need it, you can take a moment to breathe, be with yourself, and resume the conversation to listen to yourself and regain your own direction.
This stage of early twenties is like an ocean of different currents, where at times it seems like we must choose some to steer our lives towards a certain destination. It’s important to remember that we are already a part of all those currents and we are experiencing them all at this very moment. The only thing we need to decide is which ones we want to pay more attention to and why they impassion us. We are already existing within all of them, but the idea of name and nationality makes me want to focus on certain currents that make me feel alive. I remember once saying that I would like to reincarnate as a beautiful woman from Jamaica and be one of the dancers of Bob Marley and the Wailers.
For now, I will focus on being this beautiful woman of tropical origin, who moved to the United States a few months ago, who has a lovely canine friend named Dominica, and who has authentic connections and big dreams that she continues to make a reality. I live from my heart and constantly strive to exist in balance. Although there is much journeying, interpreting, and healing ahead, and sometimes many entangled human emotions, I fight every day to become the best version of myself, for myself and for this abundant and beautiful world that surrounds me.
Thank you, life.
Categorías: KAFME WRITING
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