Dancing with imperfection

Illustration by Mustafa özel

After moving to another country four months ago, I’ve been thinking about many things. Now, as I’m starting to organize my new space, I stay silent, letting my body move in different ways to achieve a sense of cleanliness. I want to sit down and continue with the organization, but what does this mean? I’m 24 years old and this is the third country I’ve moved to. I’ve decided to build one of the solid foundations with the label that I’ve categorized as being an adult. Furthermore, I’m holding myself responsible in every possible aspect because I want to keep reaching the places I desire, feeling that all that manifestation of reality comes as a consequence of my self-love, self-knowledge, confrontation, healing, and wonderful awareness of appreciating life.

How can American society be categorized these days? I try to focus on my own movement, but it’s hard to do so when I belong to a human race that’s automatically observed from my own movement. So, tonight I question myself about many things, trying to answer what’s my perception of reality with respect to a general unity, and the answer is disappointing.

Ilustración de Zestyvision

I’m here in the northern part of America, in the place where a system was invented, where multiculturalism fully embraces an idea that’s lost its concept, and its majority seems in a strange tune that’s difficult to tune in. The human matter, created from substances foreign to nature, seems to have created different formulas of escape for its majority population. Where does the real smile hide among so many fake smiles? She said that the artist should be a messenger of reality, so I thought about documenting something here that makes me want to write about this topic. I can’t blame anyone in particular because at the end of the day, every human being has free will to make decisions and change their reality. So, perhaps there are no victims, but a deep and irrational fear of most human beings to have courage and question in order to change reality. But the question is: Have they locked themselves into a negativity from their minds that creates a reality that they share and that’s interpreted as darkness? What led them to agree on this?

One of the articles I read, written by a beautiful consciousness, said that darkness had completely engulfed this world and that light was the hope for transforming it into a luminous reality. When I read this, I wondered where humanity would be found in time (if it exists). This country is an important representation in the forefront of human movement in this day and age, and what do I see? The disappointing answer is that most of its population is immersed in a need for chemical substances because they do not know how to handle their own reality. I ask them: where are their souls?

It is admirable to have ambition in this life and to create a path towards our dreams come true, but where are you doing this from? From the consciousness of wanting to experience the reality of your passions, or from the miserable idea of thinking that the material world will fill all the empty holes with question marks that you have not dared to answer? The most wonderful thing is that every human being can hear that divine voice that guides them to the true purpose for which they have chosen to come to this earth, so why do you silence your voice? In how many faces, in how many forms, and in how many versions will you have to return to the arduous experience of life until you can hear yourself?

I can remember one of my lucid dreams. I went to that place many times naturally speaking to consciousness. I remember walking through a beautiful forest as I explored and tried to answer questions about my own existence. I came to a small path where there was a dark cave and I could see myself naked in front of me. At that moment, I was so scared that I wanted to go back to bed and wake up, but in an non-existent split second, I reacted and told myself that I had to be brave to confront myself. From there, I observed myself and the human figure said nothing. Suddenly, I turned to look at the other end and could see many bodies lying motionless but with a beautiful naturalness. All those piled-up bodies were myself. That moment was so impactful that I decided to return. I woke up in the bed where I was sleeping and told myself, «How many times do you have to come back to learn the lesson?» Since then, I have not embarked on the journey to another lucid dream because I am trying to find the answers in this reality.

Illustration: Dulac’s Hans Christian Andersen

You are a beautiful human being, and no matter where or in what tone your own experience and life process lies, you have the power to heal yourself. As long as you have the right conversation about your movement, and despite the hundreds of soulless walking bodies seeking modification through computer systems and chemicals, you can regain your voice and let yourself be guided like a child who just smiled and got excited for the opportunity to experience this world again. Return to your conversation.

I have been observing your ocean blue gaze for different periods of time, while trying to divide other periods of time to observe the reality around us and my own perception. I don’t know what to say about you, and I don’t want to have or force the words now, so I leave you in a place to appreciate our existence.

In one of the most visited places in the world lies a 21-year-old version of me, observing the blue ocean from a five-star hotel with no material worries. I see my partner at that time and start to cry, as I feel nothing. I can see his worried face asking if he can do something to make me feel better. Then I hug him and tell him I don’t think I want to keep doing this, and then I can feel his heart completely broken wondering what he did wrong to lose my gaze on him. I approach slowly and we stay hugged on the bed while I tell him everything is fine, that I just need to move forward on my path and perhaps our company is no longer necessary.

It is a great responsibility to carry the information of truth, because no matter what mazes you get into trying to name what external thing has your happiness, when you manage to get to the destination of all those mazes, you only find all that material that means nothing if you got there without first doing the work with yourself of facing yourself.

What am I here to experience? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to meet? Who do I want to share with? What are our dreams?

Deep pain in my chest. In moments of confusion, I breathe deeply and keep living. Then I return to my inner conversation and realize that everything is beautiful. I can see my dreamy eyes searching for other dreamy eyes, I can see my body’s need to connect with another from a beautiful honesty and a creativity to explore this life together.

I distance myself from what doesn’t bring me peace or calm, while my brain tries to embrace my soul and live from there. I continue working to find balance naturally. I am an imperfect human being, but I possess the necessary awareness to see how my life unfolds and what I want to make a reality. It’s a beautiful dance that I want to keep dancing.

When you feel a strong pain in your chest, breathe deeply and return to your inner conversation. Escaping will only lead you to dark holes, where it will become increasingly difficult to see clearly.

You deserve to wake up one morning feeling the sunrise illuminating the day. You deserve to wake up with a human being who loves you deeply, from their freedom of choice, respecting their individuality and desiring to share life with you, caring for and supporting each other as you evolve together. You deserve to observe the beautiful landscapes of this planet and its nature, recognizing the history that your DNA holds of its evolution. You deserve to sleep in peace knowing that you live from your own truth. This world is completely yours and has been created for you to experience it.

Do you hear your voice, human being?

Are you aware of what you create?

Where is your soul, human being?

Deja una respuesta

Introduce tus datos o haz clic en un icono para iniciar sesión:

Logo de WordPress.com

Estás comentando usando tu cuenta de WordPress.com. Salir /  Cambiar )

Imagen de Twitter

Estás comentando usando tu cuenta de Twitter. Salir /  Cambiar )

Foto de Facebook

Estás comentando usando tu cuenta de Facebook. Salir /  Cambiar )

Conectando a %s