Open letter to the depression I have beaten

Ilustración by Artist Mind

At the end of winter, just before the arrival of spring, in the prime of one’s twenties, reality seemed to take shape and organize itself from the infinite creation of all existences. The harsh winter had made the soul scream and almost give up on the experience of life, but it had managed to survive and return renewed, increasingly vibrant and unbreakable, a resilience respected.

The different sounds created musical themes that made them sigh, while their skin seemed to peel away and the colors began to organize themselves to create something new. Humanity was reflected in a beautiful glass mirror that attempted to speak to the soul. Desperation had turned into patient waiting for organization, calling towards the future. They knew they had to cross the bridge to get to the other side. It was time to discover how to create their own instructions.

Nakedness walked through the small physical space, leaves falling together, and the breath of life fading. The human brain used the only energy it had to force the body to feed, but no one seemed to want to communicate. The brain pressed the panic button in the space where it existed and was motivated by the sound to make it react.

Ilustration Vergil and Dante

Their gaze remained fixed, looking towards the infinity of the outside world while inside, they experienced the taste of death. However, the brain knew that the body it inhabited was still alive and would not give up. Water flowed in torrents inside the human vessel, while food dissolved strangely. The brain continued to work desperately, inspecting the vital signs over and over again, and in the dark nights, it made sure to lubricate the machinery that makes breathing possible to keep the human body alive. The human silhouette rose at untimely hours, trying to continue an existence that seemed to have no meaning.

The soul had locked itself away and screamed that it would not come out until the body appreciated being its home. The cables had come loose and the brain tried to create an album of memories translated into images from the past, but these images seemed to come from what they did not want to remember.

How can one get out of such a place?

Divinity knew it was a trance and that everyone would have to collaborate to get out of there. It was also known that there was adequate preparation to face it without using any escape route. So they started talking to themselves and demanding to be heard. The soul looked at the brain and both agreed to inspect at what point they had separated because, from that place, they had to resume the narration of their story. They spent several days reviewing day by day, event by event, until they reached an interesting place. The event that separated them was unexpected: that night in the Pacific Paradise when they tried to fall in love and knew they were not emotionally available to do so. Their humanity faced so many new decisions and so many new changes, but for a moment, they left all that accumulation in a place for later and decided to fall in love, unconsciously using an escape route.

A hole began to form that seemed to swallow everything in its path, it seemed insatiable. It wasn’t the other’s fault, it was the harshness of the new confrontations that wanted to take refuge in love to make it lighter. But what happens when the other also experiences something similar? Then the fire of two souls drugged by passion ignited, hungry for control and desperate for an uncertain future.

So, after seeing myself naked in front of the mirror, I gathered the courage from my last store of energy and went all in. They saw the other side and said aloud, «You have to go. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves. We both need space to recover our individual conversation, to be in tune with ourselves first before seeking to tune in with someone or something outside.»

Ilustración by Ars, arte Et Labore

And it was at that moment that I regained my narrative, right at the exact point where I had left it. My body began to breathe on its own again and I became interested in its movement. Some mornings after your departure, my chest hurt so much that I didn’t know how to calm it down. I started breathing consciously again, and with each inhalation and exhalation, my human machinery seemed to heal itself. We have the power to heal ourselves.

Suddenly, I found myself in a place full of questioning. Will this life be enough to experience and answer them all? Love is still something difficult to express in words, perhaps we are still here trying to decipher it. The sound of the laughter of newly lovers seems to make life flow, time seems to stand still, and everything that has been lived before and everything that is wanted to be lived in the future, at that moment seems to be silent so that two beings can become one and listen to each other. Perhaps that’s what we miss when we die, that opportunity to see ourselves in the existence of the other and recognize that we are something infinitely beautiful, and that we fervently wish to know ourselves in all our forms.

Returning to the internal conversation and continuing the narrative of our own life experience gives us a broad vision of our purpose, it makes us understand that this is temporary and that we should be grateful. Those with whom we bond and choose as life partners should feel honored to share their presence, just as we should feel honored to be able to share their existence.

Ilustración Dido, Queen of Carthage

I think the only way to access this honest and clear vision is when we have given ourselves the opportunity to see ourselves first. And although on the way to this, sharing relationships with other human beings can help us learn together, we can only enjoy the beauty of love when we have put together all those pieces of our puzzle. Perhaps there is a remaining half-game for each one that joins when we have consciously chosen the company of the other.

What are the love stories we have grown up listening to? How many parts have we omitted before «and they lived happily ever after»? By resuming, or taking your internal conversation and being the narrator of your own story, you can choose to tell the love stories that you would like to experience. You can also tell yourself everything you have learned so far on this topic from the experience of your past relationships, take inspiration to face true learning, and exhale so that the dark part continues to flow with the wind and we can respect it as a great teacher.

I am grateful to the men with whom I have shared true intimacy so far, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to see their beautiful human structures, to speak from my heart, to listen to their breathing and be there learning from each other. I am grateful when we have been one and have entered that blessed silence, in that eternal space where we have helped each other heal. I am grateful for taking care of my body as a beautiful temple, and knowing that it can only open its sacred space to the one with whom the soul is in tune.

Thank you universe, thank you creative energy, and thank you life.

By Kafme

Deja una respuesta

Introduce tus datos o haz clic en un icono para iniciar sesión:

Logo de

Estás comentando usando tu cuenta de Salir /  Cambiar )

Foto de Facebook

Estás comentando usando tu cuenta de Facebook. Salir /  Cambiar )

Conectando a %s