I wonder if wounds really heal, or if healing carries a deeper meaning than the one we commonly understand. Lately, I think that to heal is to understand the why of things. Traumas are created when our brain cannot comprehend the reason behind what is happening, and our soul also fails to grasp the meaning of this disconnection between the brain and the soul, of this unconsciousness with which we sometimes hurt others or are hurt ourselves, and somehow we store those misunderstood events deep within us. Any indicator that might cause a recurrence of an event that paralyzed us or destroyed our perception of something or someone, we try to protect ourselves in a way, like exiles from life itself, walking on red lines to avoid experiencing anything similar to opening or receiving a wound again. When we decide to understand what happened to us, there lies the premise that the wound must be opened and seen from all possible directions to heal it. And from that understanding, a liberation arises where there were really no victims, just unconsciousness.

There are things that I have caught in my life in the shock of not being able to explain them in the past when they happened, somehow having to move forward at the same time. There is lost innocence in those events, there are walls built, and there are automatic blockages, and I have been opening them one by one and have explained those events to myself from the various directions they mean to me and from the different ages of mine that I have experienced, and also from meeting again with that initial innocence towards life, but with the courage to confront, expressing myself and addressing things and people to understand them in real-time or to distance myself from what does not feel right in the energy of consciousness.

I think, and I don’t know if I have written this before, but I think that when two people decide to bring a child into the world (reproduce), they are reborn through them, passing on the most updated information of their generation. It is clear that currently, humanity is not really aware of this reproductive energy; if it were, perhaps we would treat ourselves with more love and patience as those future versions of ourselves. Perhaps we would teach them a better world, one in which they can trust, feel safe to follow only the voice of their heart, speaking without fear of mortality, to them as a reminder of the temporary journey from this human body through Earth, the importance of nourishing and taking care of ourselves to continue embracing the gift of life for a longer time, from that unique perspective of understanding that gives us free will when it comes to acting and living from what we truly want and believe, and from that why, even in the understanding of the departure from this.

Perhaps, being conscious, we would also forgive and understand our parents and their unconsciousness in the moments they have been, from what we have now been conquering and doing consciously because they are us from that physically detached perspective. I am still working on understanding this to be able to put it into practice from that center that I am, and in this way be patient with my mother: to listen to her, not to demand, not to lose hours and hours trying to explain to her each event, each detail of why I am being the person I am and why I am making the decisions I am making. Perhaps I can only focus on sharing a good meal with her, talking about the weather, listening to her memories and anecdotes, asking her questions and really trying to understand the why of her ways and sharing mine from calm and respect, not from desperation, frustration, or anger, but from love and patience. Perhaps I can be open to her suggestions of places to experience, of the trips she wants to make together, even when I have no genuine interest in knowing those places. Perhaps I can think a bit more about her and show gratitude towards my life by respecting the perspective of hers. Perhaps I can omit my comments on how she should raise my sisters and simply support her, and again, perhaps open a new proposal from respect.

Perhaps I never thought that we also deserve to earn the respect of our parents from respecting themselves first. Perhaps this way, they, little by little, will open up to showing us that true being that fear has hidden, that the need for courage to face life and do the best they could with what they had towards us has hidden. They too once had dreams from their unique and individual way and from the innocence that, like us, they brought when they were children and came to this world. They too feel deeply and openly. They too wished to do things in a more organized way in the clumsy process of their own growth and understanding. They too had their innocence interrupted. They, like us, also face this world, and it is not our job to try to change them, heal them, or transform them. The work always redirects to the one who has the power to take action on what they want, in this case, ourselves. And although this expression is from my current self and my mother, who gave me the gift of life at 16 years old, and my father, at almost the beginning of his 20s, I believe that healing the relationship with our parents is also part of the process of healing ourselves and focusing on that world we are creating and that we want to show to our future versions in case we decide to keep coming back.

Written by kafme