It’s incredible what solitude can do to a human being. In my experience, so far, in the times I have lived with it twenty-four seven, it has been the builder of my identity. It has dissociated me from places, from people I have been with, and has led me to a first glimpse of myself, like the first recorded memory I can recall: a moment when I was merely an observer, with no need to control the outside world, yet with a deep urge to express my inner world.

And when all those structures were imposed on me until they led to an internal struggle—what my family, the society I grew up in, and the country I come from wanted to impose as a “prediction” of how things should be—I had to embark on a journey. A journey still carrying that inner battle, until liberation, navigating through memories, until I clung once again to that first sensation of being an observer and positioned myself from there. Sorting through what I could take as good for the construction of the person I am becoming now and the one I want to become.

I have returned as an observer, and from here, life feels like a wild gift, where attention to my consciousness and the honest expression of what I truly feel, think, and want must pass through an analysis before being expressed in words or actions. It is here that I once again feel that irrational human being that inhabits me, in a body that feels temporary, borrowed, yet one that allows my soul to experience this world.

There are so many emotions, so many photographs in memories filled with pain, happiness, loneliness, sadness, hope, faith, love, dreams… and I can access them whenever I wish to think about them. I believe I will miss myself in this form the day I die because I am truly loving myself. I am learning so much, even in recognizing my mistakes, my intensities. Now, everything feels observed from multiple versions of myself, from many angles and directions. And I think life is so beautiful.

I have thought about everything we demand from others, everything we want someone to be in order to make sense in our lives. How wrong I was to tell someone what they had to be or change to be with me. If I couldn’t see who they truly were to love them for real, then it was better to let them go. And all those times when I had to do or be something I didn’t want or feel, just to validate that I deserved someone’s love… how wrong I was to believe that by sacrificing myself for someone, I was proving that I loved them too.

But how necessary and inevitable it was to live those experiences to see all of this from where I see it now. My life is becoming an incredible journey, and I have that spark in my eyes, that desire to experience and focus only on what fosters happiness, learning, evolution, care, truth… and ensuring all those things find balance.

I remember when I was a child, and people would come up to ask me what I liked or what I did. I remember how passionately I described everything life made me feel, and how they gestured with surprise. I still provoke those reactions, and when I see their faces, they remind me of that little girl.

And that is what’s right: being yourself, listening to your inner voice, making your own decisions, because no one knows better than you what you want and need. Other people will always speak from their own experiences, and it is good to ask for advice, opinions, perspectives. Other human beings are also mirrors. But believing in oneself also means trusting what we feel and acknowledging that irrational human being within us. Illuminating its existence with the light from where we come.

Because I believe the whole world is beautiful.
Because I believe everyone plays a necessary, important role in the creation, evolution, and sustenance of this place we inhabit.
Because everything is always fulfilling a purpose.

Let’s be good out there. Let’s be calm. Let’s listen to others. Let’s be kind. Let’s respect the way each person exists. Let’s distance ourselves from what doesn’t represent what we truly want to experience. Let’s be patient. Let’s genuinely ask how others feel in their lives.

And if we want to experience true love, then we must create space to truly know the other. To see what they are telling us, what they are doing, what they are expressing. And as we observe those real-time photographs, let’s ask ourselves:

Do I want to love this person?
Do I want to love what they are becoming?

But before opening that space for someone else, ask yourself if it isn’t time to open it for yourself. If you already have, then…

Who do you choose to love after yourself?

This new love will also be a challenge. It will be something you’ll have to conquer, accept, and love.

I keep learning… my software keeps updating this information, and these versions.

Written by kafme

What version are you in right now?

Written by Kafme